Monday, July 13, 2009

World Domination at the Dining Room Table

Summit??!?!? G-8, Shmee-8.

Don't spoil President Obama's fantasy of geopolitical influence, but THIS is where the Real Action happens...just sayin.'

This, gentle readers, is the long-awaited, Holliday-Hosted RISK invitation and not for those who aren't Cool Customers when it comes to Tough Negotiations.

To add to the clammy-palmed verisimilitude, this high-level contest actually included Mr. Patterson, bona fide high school history teacher. Who even brings His Own Rules...[no comment.]

I regret that I cannot name all the Summiteers, but that is partly because two of them were identical twins, which everyone could tell apart but moi.

Now, I'll let you in on a small secret: in one of my former lives, I actually worked as a newspaper reporter, and TYPED on a TYPEWRITER. But I digress. The point is, that I can snag a few quotes when I have to:

[No quotes are attributed, for Obvious Reasons.]

  • "Guys, here are the Additional Rules. If you have a fleet--"

  • "Wait! Wait!! That's not how we did it last time!"

[ominous clatter of shaking dice]

  • "No, you actually have to take over North Africa...well, OK, let's make it South Africa..."

  • "This is kind of like Morrocco..."

  • "Well, not totally.." [Editor's Note: that was Mr. Kimball from 'Green Acres'..]

  • "You get three more for the Middle East, and one more for China..."

  • "MOM!!! Cecily keeps trying to serve us food!!!"

  • "Hey! Everyone has resources except me!"

  • "It's a bad economy..."

  • "Is this before the economy was invented?"

  • "Well, it could be taken over by 6 warlords."

  • "WHAT?!?! Are you insane?! SIX warlords? That's RIDICULOUS!!"

  • "I pretty much lost my hold on Europe."

  • "It's ALWAYS good to take over a country!"

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