Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Lost in Insomnia Land...

a.k.a. The Land of the Living Dead, but that, perhaps, is taking it a bit too far...

However, the whispered rumors you may have heard are true...Your Faithful Correspondent seems to be developing Swiss Cheese Brain at an alarming rate, and it seems to be not wholly coincidental with my recent tenure on Lunesta...there's always a kink somewhere...

Thus far, I have taken a stab at the following remedies...if you know of any Olde Wives that may have other 'tried and true' remedies...please send me their links!!!!!!!!!

* cold chocolate milk
* no Real coffee after 12 noon
* turkey coldcuts [can you say TRYPTOPHAN?]
* riding 8 miles on a cardio bike at 9 pm [while watching Cake Boss, of course...I feel less "deprived" that way...]
* warm chocolate milk
* wine [danger! danger!]
* OTC Unisom (virtually a placebo)
* staying up late and not being able to get up early....not exactly a solution
* not obsessing about my missing bicuspid and the "hillbilly" taunts from the Fruit(s)of My Womb---I am in the middle of a dental implant saga...but that's for another blog post....but, of course!
* tepid chocolate milk
* Valerian Root herbal tablets....the jury's still out on the efficacy of this one, although Mr. Bill is still sleeping like a log....but, wait! he doesn't have insomnia to begin with...perhaps if there were a way to withdraw some of his Perfect Somnolence Adult Male Elixir and make it into a smoothie for myself.....
* endless reading....

Actually, I just yawned now, but it's only 5:24 p.m.

---To Be Continued in Future Wakeful Moments---

Monday, July 19, 2010

Say What?

Overheard at Peak Sports Club...mere minutes ago...OR...
Ben Gains Further Practical Insight Into Parental Aggravation

Voice of [presumably hunky]Lifeguard over PA system: OK, time's up...everyone who's not an adult, time to get out...Time for Adult Swim...

Ben [trying to wrangle Miss Cee, who is blissfully ignoring undesirable instructions]: Cec! Cecily! It's time to get's Adult Swim time...

Miss Cee [sputtering]:

Ben: Didn't you hear the lifeguard? It's Adult Swim! We have to get out now?

Miss Cee [disbelieving]: What's adult swim?

Ben: [perturbed]: It's time when only adults can swim...

Miss Cee [cocking her head as if to say, 'And your point is...?]: Yeah?

Ben: Adult swim time! You're not an adult!

Miss Cee [indignant now]: I can SO be an adult!!!

Ben: NOT YET!!!

John: WHAT a RIP-off!!!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Not a Playground...

Note to self: The next time you find yourself staring glassy-eyed through the windshield, spending more time that you don’t have to spare shuttling, yet again, the surly, hardened, and undeniably unpleasant fruit of your womb on another inconvenient errand necessitated by said offspring’s irresponsibility…

And you’ve forfeited irreplaceable time searching for the Certificate of Live Birth that officially confirms your parent-child bond to this person-- who once was a great joy, and now seems a source of pain…yet still bears an undeniable resemblance to your beloved life partner…

And he’s broken curfew within the first 36 hours of returning [temporarily] to the refuge of your roof…

And you find yourself subconsciously counting on your fingers again for no reason other than a vain effort to suppress anxiety that you resent feeling…

And there are no more tissues…not even pre-used ones…in the car with which to erase the tears that slide out from under your sunglasses…

…acknowledge your angst, but don’t let it eat your lunch.

You’ve been here before, and probably will be again, and you haven’t died yet. Inhale, exhale. Each breath comes from the Lord.

Remember, as He’s reminded you before, that He sees it all. He’s taking notes. He knows the end from the beginning. He is your portion.

You’ve been reminded of that even within the last few hours, by texts, calls, and the swift recall of Scripture. If it feels like you’re plummeting down a vortex, it’s just a lie.

We’re not living in a playground down here, regardless of how much the world, the flesh, and the devil try to deceive and distract. Recall the uncomfortable but undeniably True words you’ve heard proclaimed from a Reliable Narrator: “we know…that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.” [1 John 5:19]

And that includes your misery-making passenger. He has not yet decided to be rescued "from the dominion of darkness and brought..into the kingdom of the Son..."

But you belong to Him “Who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us” [Ephes. 3:20]

This is the prelude to the indescribable reality of eternity, the glories of which will make today’s pangs a dim memory, if that.