Monday, July 13, 2009

Queen Cee's Institute of Domestic Instruction...

"Specializing in Hard Cases*"

* read: no-longer-young male parents, (but be discreet!)

Bon Soir, Dear Domestic Divas...

As the adjacent photo illustrates (perhaps TOO clearly), today's instructional installment is intended, not only for Archival Purposes, but also to Encourage those of you who may find yourselves confronted with a particularly Challenging and Maladroit (not to put TOO fine a point on it) Student.

Rest assured that you are not alone in this Potential Predicament, nor are you The First to be so challenged. Always bear in mind that Tenacity, Temerity, and Just the Right Measure of those all-important Feminine Wiles will always win the day.

Firstly, always begin on A Positive Note! Your student need not know that --in His Case-success will most likely be Hard-Won. Your job is to non-verbally communicate your confidence in your superior training and, of course, the hoped-for victory. This is a quest for competence, not virtuosity!! [Note: you will need to exercise Patience, but refrain from using this technical term with your student.]

Make frequent, dazzling eye contact, but --at all costs--avoid anything that could be miscontrued as a staredown. In most cases, the fact that you will, literally, be casting your sparkling gaze UPwards at the student works in your favor.

If the lesson, as illustrated here, falls under the Cleaning Category, be sure to point out ANY power features, as these are known to bode well for success with male prospects. [We are still awaiting published research to explain this repeatedly observed phenomenon.]

Ensure that you have full command of your student's attention and then thoroughly demonstrate each feature of the equipment (in this case, the Newly Engineered SWIFFER-VAC). Tactfully demonstrate the proper technique , and then take a teensy step back and observe your subject replicating (it is hoped) your every move.

Take diplomatic pains to praise each successful attempt and--unless a dire emergency presents itself--respond to any less than optimal try with a friendly, non-chalant comment such as, "Now THAT'S an idea!!" [Remember, dears, that those caveats about the "fragile male ego" might be timeworn, but they are still accurate. ]

If you find your student evidencing Frustration, carefully weigh your options, as well as his relative size to your own. If the monsoon of frustration has not reached critical mass, you MAY be able to venture guiding him with your hand lightly resting on his. Take care, however. If you are in any doubt, it is always the safer course to suggest that "excellent progress" has been made today and that it is time now to adjourn until Next Time.

Speaking of which, don't neglect to return for our next installment: The Ethereal Art of Tandem Brownie Baking.

Until then, may all your cabinets gleam!!

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