STOP: BREAKING NEWS---BREAKING NEWS---BREAKING NEWS
"We interrupt this broadcast to bring you the following special report..."
As of last evening, a new presence has been noted on Glen Abbey Drive, in the fair hamlet of Loves Park, Illinois...
Editor: Ben Holliday, I have been officially informed that if I want any credible information about the new black sedan resting coyly in a certain driveway, that you--and you alone-- are the Source to query…can you help me?
Ben: Indubitably! I am, without question, the proud new owner of a 1999 Chevy Cavalier!
Ed.: Surely you jest!
Ben: Do I look like a jester? Wait--DON'T answer that...where were we?
Ed.: I think I've lost the thread, too...well, what color is the new chariot?
Ben: Sleek Black…
Ed.: To match your sleek hair, right?
Ben: My hair’s not black.
Ed: OK, well, work with me here…we’ll call it VexCon Black. Ben Holliday! You have your own car! That’s outstanding!
Ben: It is, isn’t it? It looks quite well on me, don’t you think?
Ed: Well, I haven’t seen you in it, but black flatters everyone. Not that you're like everyone...er, I mean, there's no one like you, Ben...you're...well, you're YOU! When did you make this spectacular purchase?
Ben: October 2 of 2010 I finally decided between the two runners-up of my Car Capade…it was down to the Cavalier or a 2001 Plymouth Neon…in a weird kind of maroon color…not quite as cool.
Ed: Is this your first self-owned vehicle?
Ben: Yup! …and it feels like a big accomplishment…it’s like a manhood milestone kind thing, you know to go from non-car ownership to finally having my own wheels.
Ed.: But, be honest, dude, you had to have shed a secret tear or two to know that you were leaving that smokin’ hot, chick-magnet Dodge Caravan behind…
Ben: Hmmmmm... to be honest, I really liked the minivans, plenty of room to haul around the whole circus, you know, but, at long last, it was time for a change and athe Cavalier was the perfect change for me.
Ed.: Do you have certain “Look” you sport when behind the wheel? You know, a certain set of shades, a particular Billy-the-Exterminator bandana, a chilled thermos of M&Ms, or anything?
Ben: When behind the wheel, I sport my Vexcon bandana, a pair of sunglasses (one of my vast collection) and , of course, my Trademark Crooked Grin. And when people on the street see me whiz by, the think to themselves, ‘there goes Ben Holliday, an American Legend.’
Ed.: I'm feeling faint...