Thursday, April 8, 2010

Not Again!


The nether regions [substitue *-*-double-toothpicks] hath no fury like Miss Cee thwarted yet again!

Who would dare go where angels fear to tread, you ask?!

I will give only a broad description, in order to activate the Witness Protection Program for Dire Cases...

The moronic culprit is one of the local drive-through coffee bar franchises which has now -- twice consecutively!-- failed to deliver. It gets worse...on each of these two occasions, I, the HRA [Hapless Responsible Adult] have asked and ascertained that said establishment did indeed have blueberry muffins available. Further, I have ordered one such pastry for my IC [Insistent Consumer].

Only to come away from the drive-thru window with a latte (not always the correct size), but SANS MUFFIN!!!

Are you kidding me? Do they not know with WHOM they are dealing? Or, more precisely, into WHOSE disappointed busy pink hands they are delivering me? Is there not a Geneva Convention that covers this type of egregious infraction? Call Secretary Clinton, asap!!

Last time, I explained to the questionably competent window attendant that she had shorted me a muffin.

"Oh, you ordered a muffin?"

Um, yes. Actually, my Hard-to-Ignore Passenger ordered it. She's the one whose teeth are now gleaming in your security mirror.

"I don't think I charged you for that...would you like me to ring up another transaction?"

Dilemma: I could all but feel the imaginary pistol barrel boring in on one of my thoracic vertebrae. At the same time, there appeared to be a startlingly long queue of caffeine-deprived drivers behind me...

"I guess I'll get it next time..." I wimped out.

As I eased out of the drive-thru, I pleaded for clemency and desperately anted up with a promise of Wendy's for lunch (on which I delivered! I know when not to press my luck...)

If only the same could be said for The Establishment Which Shall Remain Anonymous.

Fast-forward to this morning. Having broken through my previously impenetrable wall of slothfulness (exacerbated by my current quest to achieve a nightly somnolent state without benefit of Lunesta....which, I just discovered, costs $7.50 per pill!!!...but that is another post) this morning by going to the health club at 5:40 this morning (applause is appreciated), I decided it would be Effective Positive Reinforcement to get myself a 'skinny latte' after dropping Ben off at track practice...

"Good morning! Welcome to ***[our name is mud]*** What can I get for you?"

Do you have any blueberry muffins this morning?

"Um, yes, we have two left."

I'll take one of those, please. And a whip.

"Thank you! Please pull ahead to the window!!"

Of course, I think it is always suspect, and no doubt part of the problem, that the owner of the chirpy sing-song voice just quoted never seems to be the same person who takes your payment and hands over the goods. In my haste to hoist that first sip, and with the burgeoning queue again in my rearview mirror, I pulled out...only to realize the Absence of the Muffin. Check the, I was not charged for it...check the length of the least six more vehicles...clearly this aversion to muffin-selling is not advsersely affecting their business...ha! it adversely affects MY business!!!

Back at home, I try to conceal my cup as I enter the kitchen...but the glinting eagle eye has already spied it.

"Hi, Mommy! I see you went to ***[their name is mud]*** did you get me a blueberry muffin?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Steeling myself, I recount the sorry saga.

"Well! I think we need to go there and say HEY!!!! WE REALLY, REALLY WANT JUST ONE BLUEBERRY MUFFIN!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and a CUPPA COFFEE!!!!"

I guess you just have to know how to put it to them....[to be continued]....

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