The Percolator Interviews Illustrious Film Critic J.Daniel Holliday: "HEIDI"
Editor: Mr. Daniel, it's a pleasure to meet you.
JD: It's a pleasure to meet you, too.
Ed.: I understand that this afternoon you were privileged to screen the vintage version of the film, "Heidi."
JD: Well, "privilege" might be stretching it a bit.
Ed.: How so?
JD: Well, they did have, like a romance part, and it didn't seem very exciting. I mean, it might be good for a girl, but not for me.
Ed.: Ah, I understand completely; I have observed that the Male Mind is An Entity Unto Itself. How did you happen to view this film today?
JD: Our teacher, Mrs. Brown, wanted us to see some of the scenery and stuff, since we're studying Europe in class right now. It's in Switzerland, ya know...The Alps, goats, well, you get it.
Ed.: Indeed. So, who starred in this cinematic treasure?
JD: Like, Jennifer Somebody...anyway, I know it wasn't Shirley Temple.
Ed.: Who was Grandfather?
JD.: Beats me.
Ed.: Hmm, well were there any exciting scenes?
JD: Unfortunately not...not exciting to me, anyway.
Ed.: What kind of scenes are exciting to you?
JD: Explosions. Gunfire.
Ed.: Blood and gore?
JD: That's not exciting, it's just gross. Even though I do live for that sort of stuff.
Ed.: OK, well, then. Isn't there a mean headmistress character or something, named Miss Rottenmeyer? I've always loved that name...
JD: Well, there's a governess, but she's not mean. It's not like a sinister movie or anything.
Ed.: So, what grade would you give this film?
JD: A 'D'
Ed.: Hmm, so this isn't on your list of favorites, I gather.
JD: Nope. Well, it was kind of what some girls would think is 'cute' in a few places, but that doesn't apply to me.
Ed.: Aha. Well, if you could give the filmmakers any advice to improve their efforts, what would you suggest?
JD: Get a new director!! If it was a different movie, it might have a hope.
Ed.: You don't beat around the bush, do you Mr. Daniel?
JD: Apparently not... What bush?
Ed.: So, overall, would you recommend this film?
JD: Nope. Not for any reason. I just hope the next movie we have to watch for school is better overall...so there isn't so much crying and hugging and such... *eye rolling*
Ed.: I understand your next film screening will include another European venue.
JD: Well, I don't know about that, but it's about a kid named Hans who skates around in Holland. I'm not too excited, though, because he's not an Olympic speed skater or anything cool like that.
Ed.: I see. Well, Mr. Daniel, we do appreciate your time with us.
JD: Anything for the public.