Thursday, August 6, 2009

"Well, You Don't See THAT Every Day..."

Mere minutes ago, the Hollidayettes and I arrived home from our day trip into the congestion of suburbia. I have traversed the ribbon of pavement, officially known as I-90, countless times, and seen a few anomalies in my time. But today’s sighting was singular.

Having left the outer edge of Elgin behind us, we were settling into a reasonable spell of cruise control, keeping alert for the last-second lane changers before and aft. We had just assumed a comfy cushion of space around us, when I had to press the “Coast” button on the steering column. Directly ahead was a red Neon which seemed intent on exploring both sides of his lane—constantly.

I slowed further to keep my distance. Traffic became stop and go, but he didn’t seem to notice when it resumed. I held my breath as I watched the vehicle behind me suddenly grow larger and larger in my rearview mirror. I was about to honk at this ne’er-do-well when he apparently “came to.” After almost 15 minutes of this, I was losing patience. I-90 at 5:10 pm on a weekday is no venue for a joy ride. What the heck?

I began voicing my surmises to Ben before noticing he was dozing beside me with his earbuds firmly inserted.

What were the possibilities?

… a couple of teenagers distracted with any number of behaviors completely unrelated to operating a motor vehicle?

… a driver even older than myself, having trouble with the power steering?

… an executive type fiddling with her GPS?

… an unfocused driver (it pains me to suggest it, but perhaps a female) blathering into her cell phone?

You know how this goes…curiosity eventually gets the better of us and as soon as there is room in the left-hand lane, we maneuver over and pull up to take a gander at this interstate hazard. No GPS; no female; not even any teenagers in evidence.

Nope; it was a 30-ish looking man shaving [more effectively than he was driving] in his rearview mirror. And it looked to be with a hand razor. Ben opened one eye and then sat upright. We exchanged incredulous and alarmed glances.

It is probably too much to hope that Mr. Neon Shaver was caught on a radar cam.

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