Sports Segment

This just in....

Bad Ben is here with the sports report, having just returned from viewing his first-ever indoor soccer game...

Percolator Editor: Ben, thanks for checking in with us here at the old Perk...

Ben: Not a problem.

Ed.: How was the game?

Ben: It was a lot of fun and it was a great, new experience because I've never been to an indoor soccer game before, but I had a lot of fun with Dad and John...

Ed.: John? John, as in John Daniel, whose alter-ego has appeared here previously in the guise of Mr. J. Daniel, Illustrious Film Critic?

Ben: Um, that story has been circulating a bit, but I think he wants that kept on the Down-Low...for obvious reasons, if you know what I mean....

Ed.: *Clouseau accent* But of course...What kind of fun?

Ben: It's always fun to go to the MetroCentre, you know, for anything. It was really exciting, really energized, it was a really good game.

Ed.: Who played?

Ben: Rockford Rampage and the Milwaukee, Milwaukee....oh, I forget...

Ed.: Was it the Milwaukee Beer Suds?

Ben: NO! I can't believe you said that!! Don't you think that's just a little insensitive and intolerant? That's how stereotypes are perpetuated!!! No, it was the Giants, or the Titans, or something...not the Beer Suds, Mom. I think their fans were more well-behaved than ours. ...

Ed.: Which is probably not saying much...

Ben: I think you may need an Insensitivity Management Class or something...

Ed.: So, what's it like to watch a soccer game with John Daniel?

Ben: It was weird; he's like, during the game he was rooting for the other team, just to be silly, then he was like laughing at the cheerleaders, then he started commentating the whole game...like "Oh, he's passing the center..."

Ed.: Gee, I didn't even know he understood the rules of soccer...

Ben: He doesn't...that's what made it so...creative--yeah, that's the word I was reaching for...

Ed.: Do you think it would have helped if there were explosions and gunfire...?

Ben: Well, probably, because, you know, John does "really kind of live for that sort of stuff"--

Ed.: --so I've heard...

Ben: Yeah, but he was telling me it was too loud!

Ed.: What was too loud?

Ben: The Soccer Game--if you're going to inteview me, at least try to keep up...

Ed.: Sheeesh....sorry...

Ben: Anyway, I'm just saying that I don't really understand how John thinks he'll be a military hero or football player if he can't take loud noises...

Ed.: Hmmmm, you have a point....perhaps it's a bit of cognitive dissonance there...well, anyway, what was the most exciting part of the game?

Ben: I'd say it was when we tied with them in the middle of the game, we were like two points ahead, and then, yeah, we got crushed.

Ed.: Ooooh. Exciting...

Ben: Well, in a tragic kind of way...sort of...well, anyway, there were some interesting fans. There was this one group of fans, they were like, Brazilian or South American or something and they were there with this one guy..it was like a big family and there was this guy they called Capatin Chaos and they would march around in the stands...and an official told him to be quiet, and he told him to----

Ed.:---OK, OK, this is a Family Interview Channel, Benito...

Ben: Oh, yeah...sorry...heh-heh...

Ed.: Anything else interesting or memorable about your first indoor soccer game experience as a spectator?

Ben: Well, they played "Bob O'Reilly" by The Who on the overhead sound system...that seemed kind of interesting...

Ed.: ...in a culturally archaeological kind of way...

Ben: Exactly! Oh! And, also there were cheerleaders there...

Ed.: Nice. I bet THEY a bit of attention...

Ben: You could say that, but I don't think I should really say anymore, this being a Family Interview Channel and all...I'm just sayin', the outfits they were wearing were not what you would think of as family-friendly.

Ed.: OK, ANYway, did the Rampage win?

Ben: Um, no. I kind of gave you a tip off earlier when I said we got crushed...review your notes. But I would go to a game again; it was still a fairly unforgettable experience.

Ed.: Touche.

Just So You Know...

This is a public service announcement...

It has come to my attention that Someone resident at this address [who shall remain nameless, but who is only three months younger than moi] was a bit confused on the significance of tomorrow...which would be the first Monday of March in the state of Illinois*

So, just to set the record straight, Tomorrow is

NOT 'Roman Polanski Day'...you'll find that celebration on the Left Coast...or possibly somewhere in Eastern Europe...

Tomorrow IS

'Casimir Pulaski Day'...in honor of a Polish military commander and American Revolutionary War hero


*and, Just So You Know, we Illinoisans still prefer to be recognized as hailing from the Land of Lincoln...Rod Blagojevich never lived here!!!!

Snippets and Comeuppances...

First, let me make it clear that the following "installments" should be read through a lens of, shall we say, Droll Amusement...I'm not here to honk anybody off...but on another snow-blanketed day, who can scoff at a couple of smiles provided by online media?

Headline found on the Web today, accompanying amusing video clip:

Power Goes Out on Chavez During Bush-Bashing Rant

Once the power was restored and the lights went back on, Hugo attempted an affect of humor and sipped his espresso...

GORE WOES:

From an online opinions piece:

'Al Gore has been found. The former vice president and green guru has been MIA since the end of December, but he cropped up to be abused at the Apple stockholders meeting in Cupertino, Calif. Gore has been missing conveniently during the same period where climate scientists have come under increased scrutiny for bogus claims, doctored science and use of propaganda. Gore, the Nobel Peace Prize and Oscar winner was last seen on CBS in late December. While the TV outlets have been running archival footage of the climate advocate, he hasn’t been interviewed on air throughout the controversy.

'He’s still been on the receiving end of many jokes during that time. Sen. Jim DeMint, R-S.C., said on Twitter: “It's going to keep snowing in D.C. until Al Gore cries ‘uncle.’” GOP Sen. James Inhofe’s grandkids built an igloo on the National Mall, naming it “Al Gore’s New Home.”'

Additional info on the 'back story'...

"A critical cog in the machinery that drives the theory of global warming is a small white box not too far from where you live. Inside the box sits a thermometer that tracks the local temperature, which in turn becomes part of a data trail for the monitoring of climate change on Earth.

"But there's a problem: Nearly every single weather station the U.S. government uses to measure the country's surface temperature may be compromised. Sensors that are supposed to be in empty clearings are instead exposed to crackling electronics and other unlikely sources of heat, from exhaust pipes and trash-burning barrels to chimneys and human graves."

And, finally, more possible evidence for my category of Things God Is Revealing as the Cosmic Clock Winds Down....

"JERUSALEM — Two parts of an ancient biblical manuscript separated across centuries and continents were reunited for the first time in a joint display Friday, thanks to an accidental discovery that is helping illuminate a dark period in the history of the Hebrew Bible.

"The 1,300-year-old fragments, which are among only a handful of Hebrew biblical manuscripts known to have survived the era in which they were written, existed separately and with their relationship unknown, until a news photograph of one's public unveiling in 2007 caught the attention of the scholars who would eventually link them.

"Together, they make up the text of the Song of the Sea, sung by jubilant Israelites after flanuscript brought to Jerusalem. The new exhibit chronicles how the Song of the Sea was written through various ancient manuscripts, from the 2,000-year-old Dead Sea Scrolls to the manuscript known as the Aleppo Codex, written nearly a millennium later.

The reunification of the two pieces adds an important link in the chain, showing how the writing of the Hebrew Bible evolved through the so-called "silent" period — between the third and 10th centuries — from which nearly no Biblical texts survived. While in the Dead Sea Scrolls the song is arranged like prose, for example, in the newly reunited manuscript it is written like a poem, the same way it appears in the Hebrew Bible today.

"The manuscripts are "filling the gap," said Israel Museum curator Adolfo Roitman. "We can see we are dealing with a tradition that is still alive."

"The museum exhibit displays the manuscripts along with other depictions of the Song of the Sea from the museum's permanent collection, including artistic renderings of the biblical passages in frescoes and Renaissance paintings and recordings of the song as it is chanted by Jews in different communities worldwide."

[The above article is from foxnews.com]

Your Faithful Correspondent will be gone this weekend at a women's retreat, but will hope to return at the beginning of this coming week...you can take that as a warning, as a reprieve, or as a teaser, as you like...

Once More Into the Breach...

The Percolator Takes Another Stab at Interviewing J. Daniel Holliday, Illustrious--and Sometimes Persnickety--Film Critic

Editor: Well, Mr. Daniel, it is certainly game of you to give this film review business another chance.

J. Daniel: You're right. It is.

Ed.: OK, then. I can tell already that this is not going to be a warm, fuzzy interaction, but we do press on. I'm told you very recently screened the vintage cinematic gem, "Hans Brinker" or "The Silver Skates" at a classmate's home. What kind of experience was that?

J. Daniel: Well, they have a very cool home theater with movie seats and a gigantic screen TV, and sometimes they even have popcorn. So that part was really OK.

Ed.: Well, that's a good start. What did you think of "Hans Brinker", or "The Silver Skates"?

John: Well actually, Hans Brinker and the Silver Skates are the same movie. Just to let you know. And I thought it was OK, but it wouldn't be something I would prefer.

Ed.: I believe there are at least two versions of this movie, and that you saw the live-action Disney version. How would you describe the overall quality of the film?

John: I think Hans could have been better at acting...he kind of said things a bit robotic-like..."Do you need help, Mother?" He wasn't casual. I think he could have done better. 'Cuz you want people to act good, not like you just want this to get over with.

Ed.: I see. Well, to each his own. I noticed in the credits that Hans was played by an actual Dutch actor, Rony Zeander, so there must have been some verisimilitude there...

J. Daniel: Huh? Well, all I know is that they wore ridiculously baggy pants. I mean, clown-like. No camouflage at all.

Ed.: What did you think of the other actors?

J. Daniel: Well, there was his father; he was a likeable person in the beginning but then he fell over when they were trying to repair a dike during the storm and he injured his head and then he was, like, had amnesia and didn't recognize his family and stuff. And then there was an even weirder part where he got up out of his house and went on a rampage and saw this mischievous other guy that was going to skate against Hans and they were trying to get away from them and then he was running away from the bad guy who threw the skate at Hans' father....and then Hans found him...then the authorities appeared.

Ed.: Whew! That sounds like some serious action there. Was it exciting?

J. Daniel: Only if you're into lightweight action. Which I'm not.

Ed.: Did you think it was an interesting story?

John: Yeah, I guess.

Ed.: Was there much of that gross crying and hugging and stuff like in "Heidi"?

John: Well, it was better than "Heidi", so it wasn't as much mushy stuff, but they were losing hope and they kept hugging and stuff like that...

Ed.: So, you could have done without that part?

John: Absolutely.

Ed.: Did the skating race remind you of the speed skating that we're seeing in the 2010 Vancouver Olympics right now?

John: No, but it reminded me of rollerblading, where you have to throw your arms and get momentum and stuff.

Ed.: Hmmm, sounds quite a bit like speed skating to me, but suit yourself, Mr. Daniel. So, overall, would you recommend this movie?

John: Yeah, I mean it was good, but it wasn't that good. It wouldn't be something I would watch again.

Ed.: Well, just for curiousity's sake, what movie WOULD you recommend?

John: "Saving Private Ryan", to those who could take blood and stuff, NOT like YOU.

Ed.: Yes, well, as I think I mentioned during a previous time we met, this is ME interviewing YOU, and not the reverse. But, in any event, did this film give you a good idea about what Dutch life was like?

J. Daniel: Mmmm-hmmm.

Ed.: Would you have liked living back then?

J. Daniel: *head shaking* There was no technology, no comfortable chairs or anything. Sheesh.

Ed.: Well, I suppose that is an honest perspective from a young citizen of the 21st century. By the way, as long as I have you here, how did the "St. Crispin's Day" speech go in class the other day?

J. Daniel: Who spilled the beans about that?

Ed.: Oh, you know, word gets around....

J. Daniel: Well. You ought to know how I did, since you were there.

Ed.: Pardon me, but I, the Percolator Editor, was NOT there. There may have been someone who looked quite a bit like me, but that would have been an alter-ego of mine who was unceremoniously asked to substitute-teach your class at the last minute...

J. Daniel: Yeah, I'd say that was a pretty good job of acting...

Royally Mistaken Identity

The Percolator Interviews John [King Henry V] Holliday, Thespian

Editor: John, word on the street is that you will be impersonating King Henry V of England in the near future.

John: Well, it's not exactly impersonating..

Ed.: Could you clarify?

John: It's actually "reciting." As in, I will be saying the words of King Henry in a section of the play, "Henry V" by William Shakespeare. You HAVE heard of HIM,haven't you?

Ed.: *Clouseau accent* But, of course!

John: Well, there you have it.

Ed.: There I have what?

John: I'm NOT an impersonator!! An impersonator thinks they're another person...or, they try to make other people think that...or something...ANYway, it has nothing to do with me. If you really need an impersonator, I suggest you check out old clips on YouTube....I assume you've heard of THAT....

Ed.: Touchy, touchy!! Sheeeeesh. Pardon me if some of my advance information is not completely accurate.

John: Just to let you know, this is how rumors get started...are you a gossip reporter?

Ed.: Of COURSE not! Excuse me for pointing out the obvious, but I'M the interviewer, you the interviewEE. OK, are you playing the part of King Henry or not?

John: Look, do you see a crown on my head?

Ed.: Not yet. Are you in costume already?

John: OK, that's it. You must be someone's apprentice because obviously you aren't the real person who's supposed to be doing this interview...

Ed.: *indignant* Ouch! Mr. John Holliday, let's begin at the beginning, shall we? I came here to talk to you about your just-announced role in Shakespeare's classic drama, "Henry the Fifth." So, how do you feel about portraying someone so famous?

John: Well, he's not exactly famous.

Ed.: Um, I think there are a lot of people in the United Kingdom, not to mention almost any English professor you can find, who would beg to differ...

John: Beg? No one's begging! For Pete's sake!

Ed.: It's just an expression. I'm saying that a lot of people have heard of King Henry V and when a person is well-known, they're considered famous. Just sayin'.

John: Where's my agent?!

Ed.: Aha! If you have an agent, you MUST be famous!!

John: I'm NOT famous, even if I am kinda popular with some of my girl-classmates...wait, you're getting me off the point! I'm NOT Henry...not I,II,III, IV OR V! I am in the sixth grade. I have to recite a speech from memory tomorrow in class. I was nervous before, but NOW I feel sick!

Ed.: Now, now, sir, having pre-performance butterflies is VERY common, especially before a big opening night...

John: [head twitching uncontrollably as he begins to sputter] I AM not having an opening night!!! What, are you sick?

Ed.: No, you just said YOU were sick...

John: Gack! How am I ever going to finish memorizing the St. Crispin Day speech if you're playing mind games on me?

Ed.: Oh, I'm glad you mentioned that, because I've been trying to find out, is it "St. Crispin" or "St. Crispian"? I've seen it both ways in the text...and who was he, anyway?

John: ORDERLY!!!

Of Axiomatic "News" Stories...

Amid all the ink and electrons devoted to pointless celebrity "news" and unreal reality TV, I came across what was purported to be a bona fide news story today, somewhere on the Web...

"Smokers Found to Have Lower IQs Than Non-Smokers"....I mean, not to be insensitive, but HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I think this jaw-dropper makes a nice bookend to another special social phenom that used to exist here in the Forest City...a cigarette outlet store called "Pick-A-Butt"...*Craig Ferguson voice* "I know!"