Royally Mistaken Identity

The Percolator Interviews John [King Henry V] Holliday, Thespian

Editor: John, word on the street is that you will be impersonating King Henry V of England in the near future.

John: Well, it's not exactly impersonating..

Ed.: Could you clarify?

John: It's actually "reciting." As in, I will be saying the words of King Henry in a section of the play, "Henry V" by William Shakespeare. You HAVE heard of HIM,haven't you?

Ed.: *Clouseau accent* But, of course!

John: Well, there you have it.

Ed.: There I have what?

John: I'm NOT an impersonator!! An impersonator thinks they're another person...or, they try to make other people think that...or something...ANYway, it has nothing to do with me. If you really need an impersonator, I suggest you check out old clips on YouTube....I assume you've heard of THAT....

Ed.: Touchy, touchy!! Sheeeeesh. Pardon me if some of my advance information is not completely accurate.

John: Just to let you know, this is how rumors get started...are you a gossip reporter?

Ed.: Of COURSE not! Excuse me for pointing out the obvious, but I'M the interviewer, you the interviewEE. OK, are you playing the part of King Henry or not?

John: Look, do you see a crown on my head?

Ed.: Not yet. Are you in costume already?

John: OK, that's it. You must be someone's apprentice because obviously you aren't the real person who's supposed to be doing this interview...

Ed.: *indignant* Ouch! Mr. John Holliday, let's begin at the beginning, shall we? I came here to talk to you about your just-announced role in Shakespeare's classic drama, "Henry the Fifth." So, how do you feel about portraying someone so famous?

John: Well, he's not exactly famous.

Ed.: Um, I think there are a lot of people in the United Kingdom, not to mention almost any English professor you can find, who would beg to differ...

John: Beg? No one's begging! For Pete's sake!

Ed.: It's just an expression. I'm saying that a lot of people have heard of King Henry V and when a person is well-known, they're considered famous. Just sayin'.

John: Where's my agent?!

Ed.: Aha! If you have an agent, you MUST be famous!!

John: I'm NOT famous, even if I am kinda popular with some of my girl-classmates...wait, you're getting me off the point! I'm NOT Henry...not I,II,III, IV OR V! I am in the sixth grade. I have to recite a speech from memory tomorrow in class. I was nervous before, but NOW I feel sick!

Ed.: Now, now, sir, having pre-performance butterflies is VERY common, especially before a big opening night...

John: [head twitching uncontrollably as he begins to sputter] I AM not having an opening night!!! What, are you sick?

Ed.: No, you just said YOU were sick...

John: Gack! How am I ever going to finish memorizing the St. Crispin Day speech if you're playing mind games on me?

Ed.: Oh, I'm glad you mentioned that, because I've been trying to find out, is it "St. Crispin" or "St. Crispian"? I've seen it both ways in the text...and who was he, anyway?

John: ORDERLY!!!